Trials and Tribulation (at Work)

I started a new job, two weeks ago today. As a certified teacher, I was/am having rejection issues. After over four years of being certified and applying to countless jobs, both near and far, I was facing rejection on a regular basis. "Why can't I find a job that fits for me?" "What did I do wrong that makes me unwanted in the job market?" "What can I do to fix this?" and "What am I going to do if I never find a job  in my field?" were all questions going through my head and one time or another.
I felt like my life had/has not begun because the career path that I chose was not working out.
Then came along a job at KTVZ- my local news station.
After having a great reference from a friend, and an interview that I felt went well, I got the call that I was chosen out of the applicants to take over the Master Control/Tech Director job for the morning show. I was very proud to be chosen for this job because it was the first "Yes, we want you!" that I had received in a long while.

... Then I found out the hours- Midnight to 8AM
... then I found out the pay- about half as much as I get/got as a substitute teacher
... but I stuck it out, just grateful to have a job.

Then I started training for this job. To give a bit of pre-background, I have always excelled at technology-use. I am a natural and a digital-native as we are called. I have been around it all my life and have enjoyed working with it more than anything. Well, the training on this job has been tough because it has not come easy to me. I have struggled with learning the new system that I am working with- both with the Master Control part and the Tech Directing part of my job. I have felt like a failure at both spots in the past few weeks; whether it has been deleting files that I shouldn't or not knowing how to fix a playlist, or not being quick enough with the camera shots and all the different parts to the directing position.

By this last weekend, I was almost at my wits end. I went to church on Sunday telling people when they asked that I was not having that much fun with it and saying that life's too short to be doing something that you don't like. I was really feeling the pressure and not wanting to go back to this job. It's not that I am a quitter; I try my best, but at some point, if it is not working out for me or for my employer/boss then we need to cut the cord.

My feelings could have been due to my terrible day on Friday. As I have said, the hours are hard to get used to- I have to set my alarm for 11:15 or :30 and zoom into work by midnight. Well, I have been using my iPod touch for that and it has worked fairly well,... except for friday. I changed something and that messed me up. So, no wakeup alarm. Instead I was awoken to a text message at 12:09 saying "Are you coming into work tonight?" So, I rushed to get there as soon as I could, and of course it was the day that my boss was there to wish the person I was taking over goodbye, so, right in front of him.
Terrible start to the day to say the least.

Then, I made some goof ups on MC (Master Control) that I had made twice in a row. dumb. And to top it off, I had been taking some cut-ins for the news at the end of the show. This is where we have staged "This is your local alert Newscast" just a 2 minute blurb with all the headlines. Well, I had been working it where the current director would tell me what to take and when and I would do it. I did not have as much responsibility as the whole directing, but some. On Friday, my boss says, "you do it all". I totally goofed that up and it was taken back away from me because of it, so yeah, Friday was not my best day and left me feeling like I did not belong in the newsroom.

But, the good news is that I did better this morning. I had not issues with my MC part of the job. I got everything done that needed to be- didn't delete anything. And I felt confident at the Audio board- sure I had a few goof ups, but not bad ones. And I was able to work on the Tech Directing in spurts and get used to it more and more.

I am still not a fan of the per hourly wage that I receive, and the time that I have to work, especially last night when I got NO Sleep and was dragging the whole night, but at least I am a bit more confident.